Being alone

Sometimes I wonder if I’m better off alone and single.

I would love to fall in love with someone and hopefully end up with an ‘and-they-lived-happily-ever-after’ ending. But I’m not sure if I would ever find that person. Com’on, I have problems finding regular lunch partners! I don’t like eating with people. Wait, I do like catching up with friends once in a while over food, and we can a lengthy time eating and talking (mostly talking). But not so with eating with the same person or group of people every day.

I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I have problems sustaining small talk with my lunch partners previously. Even if we want to move on to bigger issues and topics, it doesn’t seem to go somewhere because we are not like-minded or have the same frequency. Maybe I have been holding wrong expectations of a lunch partner! Perhaps it should just be having someone to ‘chope’ the seat for you while you queue; perhaps I shouldn’t be talking too much at lunch (it should just be about eating, no?).

Why has this observation cast doubts on whether I should seek marriage? I guess it’s the realisation that I relish the freedom and independence of singleness. I can go shopping by myself, even watch a movie alone, and yes, have a dinner-for-one. Maybe I have confused having a companion and enjoying independence. A single can still be very people-centred and a social creature, while a married person can be socially-isolated and does most things alone.

Freedom and independence can be stumbling blocks or gifts to serve God and the community. It’s how I use them that matters. In the same way, having a like-minded partner can spur our love for God and His people but it can also lead to over-reliance on the spouse.

So if it is not ‘should I get married,’ what then is the right question to ask?

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