Reflections on ‘How to Avoid Marrying the Wrong Christian’

This article on Her.meutics blog strengthened my conviction that I should not get married for the sake of getting married or because ‘he’s a nice-enough guy.’  The author quotes a recent study on why some continue to get married despite doubts:

Unfortunately, there are many Christian women (and men) who ignore their gnawing suspicions. They forge ahead into marriages they didn’t belong in. Why?

Gauvain lists four overarching reasons cited by the women in her survey: 1) “Age: The self-imposed biological clock is starting to tick a little louder.” 2) “Marriage will instantly make the relationship better.” 3) “It’s my last chance to get married and no one else will come along”; and, 4) “If it doesn’t work out I can always get a divorce.” I’d add a fifth and sixth reason that are specific to Christian men and women: 5) to legitimize sex, and 6) because of guilt associated with premarital sex or over having conceived a child out-of-wedlock.

I guess my reasons, if I do fall into the same snare, would be 1, 3 and 5.  Hey, I’m 31 this year and I would like to get married and have children, but I don’t see a potential partner in sight. I have dreams of a husband and a family, of self-actualisation being a wife and a mother, but I don’t see those hopes being fulfilled in the near future. I’ve missed the boat once, and some real-life experiences on missing the bus make me wonder if I should just hop onto the next bus that could take me somewhere. I hate the waiting, I hate the uncertainty, but most of all, I hate the lingering doubt that God is withholding something good from me.

I don’t think the stigma of being a lifelong single would be as painful a sting in my church, ’cause there are many other single sisters. But it doesn’t remove the stigma in the society at large. Nor does it remove the desires within.


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